I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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