so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
