Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
