i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My liver just had a heart attack.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
