you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
