she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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