Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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