Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
