Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
