He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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