i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize