Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
