I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
