I just pynch a tree in the face
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think i just lost a toe
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