im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
