They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Screwed.edu
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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