I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
