I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
