bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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