come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
