So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
