Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize