you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
did i walk over a car last night?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
