are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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