Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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