My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
