mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
