12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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