Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
