What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
