I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
