She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
