the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
