Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize