Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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