Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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