you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize