I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All the doctor said was why
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
