do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
