There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
