can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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