He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
