is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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