today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize