The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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