If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
