I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
