My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
