i need an iv and a liver transplant
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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