see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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