You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
