I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
