I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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