just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
