very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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