Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
