I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
