someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
