I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
