Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
