tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
