wanna go halves on a baby?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
