OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
