that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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