I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
