I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
