I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
