suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
