woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
