I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
