She is in my trunk
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
