whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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