thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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