so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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