your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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