I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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