you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
