My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
