I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
