sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize