hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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