He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
