I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
