just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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