just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
