It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
