Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
